StLouisArts.org is powered by theย Regional Arts Commission of St. Louis, andย RAC is excited to partner withย Humans of St. Louis to highlight stories from some of the talented creatives and artists who call St. Louis home. All stories and photography in the RAC + Humans of St. Louis series were created by and are credited to Lindy Drew, co-founder, lead storyteller, and book co-author of Humans of St. Louis.
Kyla Kikkawa
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โI thought I was going to study dance and movement in relation to neurological and neurodegenerative diseases. When I was 13 years old, my grandma was diagnosed with Parkinsonโs. Sheโs still alive at 98, which is wild because she had an operation that relieved her cerebral spinal fluid, and it really helped. Now, when I go back home to California, I still dance with her. I try to take her to classes, too.
I came to St. Louis because there was a program at Washington University that was like, โWeโre interested in allowing exploration of the intersection between multiple disciplines to solve greater problems. Basically, not limiting a problem to a single discipline.โ I thought, โThis is right up my alley. They study this here? Thatโs what I want to do.โ After freshman year, I was going to finally jump into that work over the summer, but the pandemic happened. Then everything was online. As a sophomore, I had one in-person class per semester. I ended up taking an anthropology class called Music, Sound, and the Body with Esther Viola Kurtz, a professor who does research about capoeira. Thatโs how I found myself doing a research project that introduced me to KRUMP.
I had met Krumpers at the WashU underpass, which they called the tunnel spot, where students paint murals for their organizations and hang out. I donโt even know what happened, but I somehow blacked out and hopped in the cypher. Afterwards, they were like, โWeโll add you to our Facebook page.โ Iโd been interested in this dance style for a long time. So I ended up reaching out to the admins, like, โIโm interested in learning. Iโll pay for lessons.โ Since then, one of them has been my big homie, my mentor.
I began interviewing dancers about the background of the KRUMP community here in St. Louis while also trying to incorporate this dance style into my own dance framework. So I mixed things together, got into my body in terms of expression and comfort level, and my center of gravity became krumping to R&B music and to KRUMP tracks, because that also has its own genre of music. I took lessons with Tyrus Watson, a.k.a. SmallTalk, a.k.a. X/O. Over time, he gave me the name Princezz. So now Iโm also known as Princezz X/O. Iโve been in the KRUMP community ever since, and itโs been my first real community in St. Louis.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โI was always drawn to KRUMP. I just didnโt know if I could do it. Luckily, my mentors and the Midwest KRUMP community have shown me a lot of love over the years. Some have been dancing this style for a long time, and Iโm super biased, but everybodyโs incredibly creative. That said, theyโre also a goofy group of people. KRUMP is an acronym that stands for Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise. It really highlights the roots in praise dance and the connection to spirituality. Oftentimes, people will say they know the word or whatโs being done when itโs danced. But theyโll connect it to the action of getting crunk.
Historically, the styleโs pretty new, having only been around for about 25 years. And in St. Louis, the movement started around 2008-ish. Seeing the Krumpers in the club is my favorite. It doesnโt happen often, but when it does, it brings me so much joy. Especially when the whole cypher is doing the same thing.
Iโve been thinking about what my next steps are as an artist, and Iโm interested in exploring the cypher and concentric circles across different cultures. The cypher was originally coined as a manifestation of Hip Hop, a space of possibility where freestyle would manifest, whether itโs rapping, dancing, or just expression in relation to the musicโs beat. So, we cypher in KRUMP. And when all the energy is facing in, a lot of attention and energy can accumulate in that space. When weโre in that orientation, weโre all watching somebody dance, weโre feeling them, and we pick up quickly on what theyโre doing. So if they do a move once, weโll be there the next two times it happens. In KRUMP, thereโs also a thing where anything done three times or repetitively is called a bang. So sometimes thatโll happen. But, overall, there are certain moves where, when the energy is high enough, the repetition is powerful.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โNone of my time in college was ever linear, and I had this traumatic experience within my first three weeks there, but I didnโt psychologically feel the fallout until over a year after the event. I was trying to push through whatever was happening, not really connecting with anyone. I found myself just running and continuing to run. I was doing dance, a cappella, and musical theater, staying busy by taking classes across multiple schools. Then the pandemic made me stop. Even though my mind took some time to catch up, thatโs when I started to feel the impact of what happened to me in my body.
I was in physical therapy for 10 months. Then I was having psychological symptoms of trauma, which I was dealing with in my sophomore year and beyond. There were times I felt like I was just surviving. And, honestly, KRUMP saved my life from where I was. I was trying to learn different ways of feeling music, and being in touch with and feeling autonomy over my body. I wanted to use dance to express myself to the fullest extent. And all of this coincided with me also learning KRUMP.
The community knew I was showing up for a reason, but they were never like, โOh, you got something going on.โ Their response was just affirming. Iโm a small Asian female from California who had never Krumped before, which is ironic because it started in LA, and I grew up in LA County. But the dancers never questioned me or what I was going through. They mostly saw that I was eager to learn. I felt like I didnโt necessarily get the help I needed in other places. And instead of feeling like I had to explain to myself what was going on with me, I danced. I took a lot of pride in watching how the Krumpers expressed themselves and evolved in their styles. And I came to learn that they moved energy through space to connect to the past, the future, and with their ancestors.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โIn LA, the KRUMP community always tells me Iโm welcome there, which is lovely. When I first went to visit, they were wondering, โWhere did you learn to KRUMP?โ Iโd tell them, โThe Midwest. St. Louis, Missouri!โ To which theyโd ask, โPeople do that there?โ Itโs international now, which is beautiful because I studied abroad during my junior year and focused a lot on dancing. I took two dance courses. One was an introduction to somatic studies, and the other was a class I took in Chile. For the latter, we had a reggaeton unit, a dance hall unit, a hip hop unit, and we danced to house. That was the vibes. Ourย profe, our teacher, was also getting a masterโs in education with an emphasis on neuroscience. I was like, โCool!โ I recently found a video of me talking for like an hour in Spanish, trying to explain something or another. All this time during my education, I really tried to go from depression to long-term potentiation and bigger systems change in my brain. It was a lot. Then I realized I couldnโt do what I was trying to work through, especially in another language. Still, people listened, which was a beautiful thing, too.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
๐ป๐๐ค ๐๐๐ ๐พ๐ ๐๐๐ โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข โ๐๐๐?
โI identify as a fourth-generation Japanese American. My family experienced World War II in the U.S. and Japan. And there was a lot that wasnโt always talked about. So I feel like Iโve inherited a lot of blockages in terms of expression as it relates to my lineage and even my experiences. As a result, when I was going through some tough times and feeling uncomfortable talking about things, KRUMP was helpful in not needing to have words. KRUMP is a lot more linguistic than other dance styles. There are basic steps and other components, but we can immediately move to show different forms of expression, such as using our hands as language. On top of that, our hand movements are used to talk. In KRUMP, you can have so many conversations within the framework, and the nature of how physical it is, down to our hands. A conversation is happening. There are interactions back and forth. Maybe thereโs a call and response. And thereโs a lot of interacting with the self, with people around you, and with a greater spirit to say what you need to say. All the while, youโre building sentences through what youโre doing.
The hand movements mean different things, and where you are in space means different things. Sometimes when someoneโs dancing, and people say, โI hear you,โ itโs not because someoneโs talking out loud like with spoken word or rap, yet theyโre still communicating. Thereโs so much seeing, feeling, and connecting in KRUMP. Especially when dancers really need to meet up, get something off their chest, and cipher. They could talk later about whatโs going on inside of them if they wanted to. But Krumping is more about being able to have a space held for them to release whatever they donโt feel comfortable talking about. And, yeah, to do all this in a way where people hear what youโre saying without saying any words is wild to me.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
๐๐๐ค! ๐๐ฆ ๐คโ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ก ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐. ๐ด๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ขโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, โ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก ๐๐ข๐ก.โ
โYeah! And sometimes thatโs where the KRUMP world and the dance world actually run into issues because people are talking too much. The worldโs problems canโt be solved through dance battles. But a lot of things can be because it offers a space for conversation, release, and improvement. And it can do a lot of healing. Cyphering with others, moving energy in space, learning from each other, and pushing each other definitely makes me feel this overwhelming sigh of relief.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐คโ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐?
โI feel it when I meet with people who are wiser and older than me. And when they can reflect things back to me in our verbal or written conversation. I especially feel it when I can ask them questions they havenโt thought about before. I like to ask random questions. When I can make somebody think differently about what they regularly talk about, I feel very seen and proud of myself. I identify as neurodivergent, so sometimes social cues and I will fight with each other. Sometimes Iโll dive into asking questions too deep, too fast. But usually, people are receptive to it. I have a notebook I bring around with me, and Iโll ask people things like, โWhat shape is time?โ Thatโs just me doing some qualitative people research, you know?โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โHaving random conversations in Spanish, Iโll tell people, โI only speak English and Spanish,โ and theyโre always so confused. Theyโll say, โBut you donโt look like you do.โ And Iโll reply, โYes.โ
I love Latin America. My first trip to Latin America was to Nicaragua. My high school had a relationship with a sister school there, and I was supposed to go back, but the country had a political uprising. So when I studied dance at WashU, I was also studying Spanish and did a study abroad in Santiago de Chile. And while I was there, I scoured Chile for the Krumpers. I finally found them near the tail end of my trip. There was at least one KRUMP family somebody was building, so it was very new. But I got to meet up with them outside a metro station and session with them. Even though their community is smaller than in other places, connecting with them was so special. Iโd been searching for months, and I ended up hitting up the leader โ the big homie, the mentor of the fam โ on Instagram. I was like, โHey! Iโm from the U.S., and Iโve been looking for yโall.โ At first, I asked one of my dance teachers, but she didnโt know anybody. As I got more comfortable speaking Spanish, I kept asking around until someone told me, โOh, Iโve seen this one guy.โ What was really cool was that when I met up with him, he asked, โSo how do my littles look compared to dancers in the U.S.?โ Itโs great to still follow them and watch their progress.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
๐๐๐ ๐๐ก โ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก. ๐ฟ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐?
โYes, I needed to get away from the WashU bubble. I needed time away to process things, figure out how to be more in my body, live in the present, and appreciate new experiences. Actually, I was processing in Spanish for a lot of the time. And Chilean Spanish is so unique, too. I did do some dancing, mostly at the university, which was beautiful because they gave me the Mejor Compaรฑera award, which translates to the Best Classmate. Then, when I came back to St. Louis to finish college, I think I had a bit of reverse culture shock. St. Louis cracks me up because if people donโt know you here or what your intentions are, there can be a hesitancy to connect. Then, once you mention something or somebody you have in common, there can be a lot of excitement, immediate trust, and comfort. That was actually quite similar to what I experienced in Chile.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โI mentioned how I take a lot of pride in bringing up moments that hadnโt happened before with people who are wiser or older than me. Well, while I was in Chile, the coordinator for my exchange program had lived in the U.S. for some time and was giving a tour at a former detention center. And during the tour, he revealed to us that he was actually detained during the Chilean dictatorship at that site. I was interested in talking to him more, so we got coffee soon after. And I asked him, โWhat does dignity mean to you? Or, what is your definition of dignity?โ And he gave me an answer.
Later that night, he emailed me: โThis question has been circling in my head. I gave you an answer, but I need to add another part.โ So he explained how dignity relates to oneโs own physical circumstances. Then he added that it also pertains to how one perceives what their abilities and resources are, especially considering their lived reality of whatโs possible. I felt so honored to spend time with him and then to hear back. How special that he wrote to say, โThank you for helping me think in a new way.โ That was one of the proudest moments of my life. Because, for me, I came to understand that healing from intergenerational trauma is a global thing and that my silly questions may hold the power to inspire new perspectives about humanity.
Thereโs so much untangling that needs to be done throughout all of our lineages and, in particular, for minority communities in the U.S. Being Japanese American, Iโm not always able to untangle all of that for myself. I dream about what it would be like to globally redefine what we consider to be humanity. And that might seem idealistic or far-fetched. But my small version of practicing that was kind of by asking this man that question. As somebody who was detained during a dictatorship, who saw some crazy things and then went on to retell them to people at the actual site where it happened, I was so curious to know more from him. That I could even open up a mind like his when he already had to open up his mind so much, and heal to the point of being able to publicly share his memories for the betterment of understanding the past so we can go into the future, that was impactful for me.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โIโm grateful to be able to look back at certain things in my family history and know that those things were true; they were factual. Itโs not always the case that people can look back in their familyโs history and say, โThis is what I know is true.โ I know Iโm Japanese American. I know Iโm fourth-generation. And I know because Iโve had family around to tell me that, and family who were interested in documenting that.
My grandparents were all born in the United States. Two of them were interned during World War II, and two of them moved back to Japan and were stuck there during the war, even though they were American. Experiencing World War II as an American-born Japanese person was not great in either country. And for my grandparents in Japan, in particular, there was a lot they didnโt talk about. I had family members who were in the city when the A-bomb dropped and passed away from the impact of that. And my grandma and her sibling saw the plane before it dropped the bomb. That time in history feels so far away. Yet, I have somebody Iโm very close to who witnessed that, felt the impact of it, lost a family member to it, and still struggles as a result. So I think a lot about the impact of intergenerational trauma in my family as it relates to nuclear warfare, citizenship, erasure, and loss. Being American and being in a Japanese military school, along with familial trauma experienced from nuclear warfare, the topic is delicate. Iโve seen the desire not to talk about it because it was complicated and complex as it relates to citizenship and coming back to the U.S. and making a family here.
Iโll explain to people, โI donโt speak Japanese because we lost that language with the third generation. People who were in the U.S. definitely werenโt learning or speaking it when they were interned because they were forced to surrender their ancestry. I mean, I had some family members who were moved to a different camp because they didnโt note on a questionnaire that they would surrender all of their loyalty to the Japanese government.
Whatโs so unbelievable about all of this is that one set of my grandparents was interned while my other set of grandparents came back from overseas to live in California. And my dadโs parents got married on the same day in 1953 as my momโs parents. Plus, they both had their wedding receptions at the same venue. And no one in our family ever knew any of that until my parents were engaged. Itโs funny looking back at pictures because both weddings had similar styles in the โ50s. I got a tattoo of the year to commemorate that story and that time. It sparks a lot of conversations when people say, โYou donโt know anything about 1953.โ Iโm like, โThatโs fair. I didnโt claim to.โ But itโs a good conversation starter. And itโs a reminder for me of all of those histories and even the lives before them in our genealogy that led to that year.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โItโs been a lot of putting pieces together in ways that feel central to understanding my family as it currently is. And as it relates to understanding how I feel in relation to other communities, other minorities, and the history of the United States. A lot of these things were never talked about in my family, so the stories werenโt transmitted. As a result, I was on a hunt for knowledge. Through my digging into the research, I came to the conclusion that the citizenship of my grandmaโs sister was American, and we lost her to the A-bomb in Japan. Once I understood that, I understood why there was silence around it in my family. They were in survival mode to get through certain things. And then there was this push towards, โOkay, weโre gonna keep things very American, very light.โ Itโs painful to explain something like that to younger generations. So it just never got passed down orally. I did find this shirt in my grandparentsโ house, though. When I saw it, I was like, โThis is mine forever now!โโ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โIโve kind of felt like the black sheep in my family. Iโll get very emotional about some of these things. Sometimes Iโll cry and feel grateful at the same time. Itโs hard for my grandma and my parents to cry. And if I can cry, and they havenโt been able to, then thatโs a bit bittersweet. But Iโm hoping that through my passions and being intentional about the art Iโm creating, I can bridge cultures and worlds. It seems like a lofty goal, but my dream would be to support efforts of breaking intergenerational curses or trauma through art and movement. In time, my hope is that Iโll be able to show my family, and theyโll understand. They do acknowledge that dance has always been my path in terms of finding myself. As it relates to my ancestors, in particular, I think about them not having the privilege to pursue artistry in this way because they were too in survival mode. Although I did come to find out that my grandparents, who lived in Japan, also loved to dance recreationally. And they did ballroom dance together. So, how special. But there wasnโt a lot of open emotional expression in those generations. Thatโs also why KRUMP and movement and me not needing to be confined by words are such a privilege. In thinking about my lineage, itโs an honor to dance because of the suppression in my Japanese culture thatโs been present for more lifetimes than I even know.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โLately, Iโve been struggling with taking a leap to put some of my visions into reality. Iโve been studying large choreographic works on groups since college. I ran a team at WashU for a couple of years, working with 30 dancers to help them align with an appreciation for hip hop in history. And since then, Iโve been more on the freestyle side, helping dancers bring their visions to life, and bringing my dance style into other peopleโs choreographed works. So Iโm trying to figure out, โIs that my main offer? How can I bring groups together to make something larger?โ Iโm very much a fusion dancer. And in this space, at That Untitled Project, I was grateful to name my class Fusion Hip Hop, even though it wasnโt just that. I dance other street styles, too, so we also talked about the geographical and historical origins of many things relating to dance.
What resonates with you is whatโs most important. Because thereโs so much controversy in the world, when youโre attracted to something, keep that spark and follow it. So, for me, Iโm thankful to have connected with others who are also looking at their lineages. And I enjoy figuring out how to connect the dots. Iโve been in more conversations with people passionate about showing the impact of dance as it relates to holistic wellness and mental health. It would be cool to champion movement as a tool for healing in our community in St. Louis, too. St. Louis has shown up for me when it comes to my own personal development and intergenerational healing. Things can be so tough here. And having lived here, I see it and want to fight for this place. I also want to fight other people when they donโt understand it.โ
Photo credit: Lindy Drew / HOSTL
โThrough mentoring youth, itโs also been beautiful to show them that their art is valuable. I knew a 17-year-old who had lost her mom to drug use and who I low-key considered adopting at one point. I considered it, but I was 23, and it just wasnโt the right time. Still, we really connected, and it felt good to be there for her when sheโd reach out. Having at least one trusting relationship with an adult will make a huge difference. And thatโs what I was for her in her time of need. Sheโs such a talented artist who really wants to help everybody around her, to see the people she loves have everything they want. And I have these words to say about her now because recently I had to write a reference for her. She reached out to apply for a housing program. Sheโs 18 now and was like, โIโm really proud of myself. I applied. Would you write me a reference?โ And since then, she moved into the program. But I had known her for a couple of years, and she was in our art program one summer when I got a call. So I reached out and told her, โI heard youโre sleeping in your car outside of a QuikTrip. We need to talk about that.โ So, itโs been great to be able to still be a source of trust and somebody she came back to to confide in. And how special for her to figure out how to also want great things for herself.โ
Kyla Kikkawa |ย kylasumiko.com
About Humans of St. Louis
Humans of St. Louisย (HOSTL) is a 501(c)(3) non-profitย organization with the mission of sharing photographicย portraits and first-person stories to highlight localย needs, issues, and experiences from people in theย St. Louis region.ย HOSTL gives followers an intimate look into the lives and struggles of the people of St. Louis, one photo and story at a time, and is the second most popular โHumans ofโ site in the U.S. after Humans of New York.
